As women, we spend a lot of time picking ourselves apart (My thighs are too big. I wish my nose was smaller. If only that jiggle in my belly would go away). But, what if we were to change our chatter? Rather than saying, “I’ll be happy if I fit into a smaller pair of jeans” or “I’ll look better if I just lose that 10 pounds,” look in the mirror and find the things that you love about yourself. 

It’s taken me a long time—48 years to be exact—but, rather than continually trying to change myself, I’ve finally decided to love myself for who I am—on the inside and outside. I know this sounds simple (hard, but simple), but it completely changed the way I view my body.

5 Ways I Learned to Love My Body

I Forgive Myself for Not Working Out

Our bodies are like machines. They need to be fueled properly, they need rest and recovery, they need regular check-ups, and they need exercise. As someone who loves physical activity, I feel blessed to be afforded the gift of movement. But I have been guilty of beating myself up for missing a workout. I’m not saying that just because I’ve changed my perspective, I don’t sometimes struggle with taking a rest day. However, I know I need to give my body the recovery it deserves so I can perform better the next day.  

When you’re feeling negative about missing a workout, stop! Instead, focus on what you did that was important (rested, chatted with a friend) and schedule some movement for the following day.

I Know Food Is Not the Enemy

I used to be afraid of food (don’t eat this! avoid that!). But, I want my body to be strong. That means putting the good stuff in. I’ve finally stopped counting calories, which can be detrimental to those suffering with disordered eating. Now, I think of calories as energy. I concentrate on listening to my hunger cues and consume what makes me feel the best. I try to eat a certain way during the week and relax a little more on the weekend so that I never feel deprived. 

We also need to stop labeling food as good or bad, something I still struggle with. But when I indulge now, I try to enjoy the experience and not associate it with guilt (I know, easier said than done).

I Don’t Compare Myself to Others

No matter who I meet, I tend to notice their most attractive attributes (flawless skin, long lashes, or beautiful smile). I never see anything negative. Yet when I look in the mirror, I notice every wrinkle, every flaw. Now, instead of criticizing myself, I try to replace those mean words and thoughts with useful, empowering language like “strong,” “captivating,” or “bright.”

It doesn’t always work, but with practice, I’ve learned to look at things differently. 

Now, I wake up in the morning, look in the mirror, and consciously pick out at least one of my best attributes. Try it! I promise it will change your outlook. Plus, when you notice these things in yourself, chances are others are noticing it, too.

I Surround Myself with Positivity

I attribute some of my acceptance to my husband. Of course, we all want to learn how to find that confidence from within. But, I do recommend surrounding yourself with people who build you up rather than put you down. Sometimes, people’s own insecurities can cause them to criticize subconsciously. As I age, I’m more selective with who I like to spend my time with. I prefer positive, open-minded, accepting friends who are genuinely happy for my successes and there to support my failures. 

When negative thoughts start to surface, I quickly find something else to focus on. One way is giving back: After a day of volunteering, I feel pretty silly for worrying about my muffin top.

Instead of focusing on the negative, I celebrate something every day. Before I go to bed, I think about something that made me happy that day.

I Remember What Truly Matters

In the midst of life’s most stressful moments, I remember to recognize what I do have. I cherish my family and friends, my career, and my health. I still have days when I feel fat, think negatively, and hate my hair—but they don’t stop me from reframing it to find the positive. I choose inner happiness now, and hopefully you won’t have to wait almost 50 years to embrace yours, too.